It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
