I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He kissed a someone with a penis
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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