Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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