I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
