I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
