dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
