When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
