you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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