so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
