I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
