Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
