i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
