I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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