that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
