she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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