Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
