So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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