are you still at the devil's house?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
