Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
