Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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