Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
