this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
as a side note pls kill me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
