You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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