pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
