Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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