I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
