I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
