but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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