Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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