I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
