i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
