The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
