but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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