party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
