I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
