So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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