Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
