My room smells like vodka and shame
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
