I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I need moral support for this bender
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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