I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
