If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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