Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
