you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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