Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
