I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
