you guys were way drunker than both of me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
