imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
