hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
literally had 100 drinks last night.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
