so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
