He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
