Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
